Voldemort Sings Eminem Style
by SweetenedSugar
Summary: I have updated this! It now has the Real Tom Riddle(to the Real Slim Shady) and Without Me! R/R!!!!
1. The Real Tom Riddle

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that is HP or the song.  
  
May I have your attention please?  
  
May I have your attention please?  
  
Will the real Tom Riddle please stand up?  
  
I repeat, will the real Tom Riddle please stand up?  
  
We're gonna have a problem here  
  
Y'all act like ya never seen a dark wizard before  
  
Jaws all on the floor like Grindewald just burst in the door  
  
And started killing them fast worse than before  
  
They first were scared, throwin' spells everywhere  
  
It's the return of the...  
  
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,  
  
he just didn't curse who I think he did, did he?"  
  
And Cornelius Fudge said...  
  
Nothing you idiots! Fudge's dead, he's locked in my basement!  
  
Everyone else hates Voldemort  
  
"Oh Tom Riddle, I'm sick of him  
  
Look at him, walking around grabbing his wand and ooh  
  
Calling him You-Know-Who, yeah, but he's so cute though"  
  
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose  
  
But the worse is what's going on in your parents' bedroom  
  
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't  
  
But it's cool for Severus Snape to make a potion with a dead moose  
  
"My wand is on your lips, my wand is on your lips"  
  
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss"  
  
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids  
  
And expect them not to know what avada kedavra is  
  
Of course they gonna know what an unforgivable curse is  
  
By the time they hit fourth grade  
  
They got the Hogwarts don't they?  
  
"We ain't nothing but mammals"  
  
Well, some of us cannibals  
  
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes  
  
But if we can eat dead animals and antelopes  
  
Then there's no reason that a boggart and a man can't elope  
  
But if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdote  
  
Win away your panty-hoes, sing the chorus and it goes  
  
I'm Tom Riddle, yes I'm the real Riddle  
  
All you other Tom Riddles are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Tom Riddle please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Cuz I'm Tom Riddle, yes I'm the real Riddle  
  
All you other Tom Riddles are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Tom Riddle please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
McGonagal don't gotta curse in her class to transfigure  
  
Well I do so "Curse her and curse you too!  
  
You think I give a darn about the money?  
  
Half of you wizards can't even stomach me let alone stop me  
  
"But Tom, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"  
  
Why? So you guys could be like Pettigrew to get me here  
  
So you can sit me here next to Trelawny  
  
Old Proffessor Flitwick better switch me chairs  
  
So I can sit next to the Weasly twins  
  
And hear them argue over what class they got detentions in  
  
You little snitch, put me in detention  
  
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's likes to kill, hee-hee"  
  
I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world  
  
how you gave me an A in defence against the dark arts  
  
I'm sick of you happy people  
  
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you  
  
And there's a million of us just like me  
  
Who kill like me; who just like to curse people like me  
  
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me  
  
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!  
  
I'm Tom Riddle, yes I'm the real Riddle  
  
All you other Tom Riddles are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Tom Riddle please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
I'm like a head trip to listen to cuz I'm only giving you  
  
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room  
  
The only difference is I got the guts to say it  
  
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or sugar coated at all  
  
I just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it  
  
I just cursed better than 90 percent of you wizards out there  
  
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like house elves  
  
It's funny cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30  
  
I'll be the only person in the made more than 50 hurting  
  
Killing when I'm angry  
  
Said I'm cursin' but this whole bag of Every Flavor Beans isn't working  
  
And every single person is a Tom Riddle lurking  
  
He could be working at The Leaky Cauldron spitting on your onion rings  
  
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I don't give a charm!"  
  
With his windows down and the system up  
  
So, will the real Riddle please stand up?  
  
And put one of those wands on each hand up?  
  
And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control  
  
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?  
  
I'm Tom Riddle, yes I'm the real Riddle  
  
All you other Tom Riddles are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Tom Riddle please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Cuz I'm Tom Riddle, yes I'm the real Riddle  
  
All you other Tom Riddles are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Tom Riddle please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Ha ha  
  
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us  
  
Let's all stand up 


	2. Without Me

Author's Note: I've done another parody of Eminem songs(I love Eminem!). This time, Voldie will be singing Without Me(isn't it so fitting?). Enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own anything that is HP or the song.  
  
Guess whos back, back again Voldie's back, tell a friend Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back Guess who's back...  
  
I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to  
  
see Tommy no more they want Voldie I'm chopped liver  
  
well if you want Voldie, this is what I'll give ya  
  
a little bit of death mixed with some confusion  
  
some pain that'll jumpstart my heart quicker then a  
  
shock when I get shocked at St. Mungo's by the Dr. when I'm not cooperating  
  
when I'm cursing the table while he's operating  
  
you waited this long now stop debating cuz I'm back, I'm stopping people from overpopulating  
  
I know that you got a job Ms. Weasley but your husbands money problem's complicating  
  
So the Ministry wont let me be or let me be me so let me see  
  
they tried to shut me down on Wizard TV but it feels so empty without me  
  
So come on and dip, dumb as your lips curse that, perk up your lips and ball up your fists and get ready cuz this stuff's about to get heavy  
  
I just settled all my lawsuits curse you Corny!  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy, cuz it feels so empty without me Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy, cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
Little wizards, kids feeling rebellious  
  
embarrassed, their parents still listen to Remus  
  
they start feeling the prisoners helpless, 'til someone comes along on a mission and yells "witch"  
  
A visionary, vision is scary, could start a revolution, pollutin the wizard world a rebel  
  
so let me just revel an ask, the fact that I got everyone kissing my wand  
  
and it's a disaster such a catastrophe for you to see so darn much of my wand you ask for me?  
  
Well I'm back (batman sound) fix your broken wand tune it in and then I'm gonna  
  
enter in and up under your skin like a splinter  
  
The center of attention back for the winter  
  
I'm interesting, the best thing since dueling  
  
Investing in your kids death and nesting  
  
Testing "Attention Please" feel the tension soon as someone mentions me  
  
here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free  
  
A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy, cuz it feels so empty without me Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy, cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
A tisk-it a task-it, I'll go this for that with anybody who's talking this witch that witch. Arthur Weasley you can get your butt kicked  
  
worse than them little Cornelius Fudges, and Severus you can get stomped by Lucius, you 36 year old greaseball who betrayed me  
  
You don't know me, you're too old let go its over, nobody listens to greaseballs  
  
Now lets go, give me the signal I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults  
  
I've been daring, suspenseful with a pencil ever since Dumbledore turned himself into a symbol  
  
But sometimes things just seem, everybody only wants to discuss me  
  
So this must mean I'm disgusting, but its just me I'm just obscene  
  
Though I'm not the first king of controversy  
  
I am the worst thing since Vernon Dursley, to do this evil so selfishly  
  
and use it to get myself wealthy (Hey)  
  
there's a concept that works  
  
20 million other evil villians emerge  
  
but no matter how many fish in the sea it'd be so empty without me  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy, cuz it feels so empty without me Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy, cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
(Hum dei dei la la Hum dei dei la la... la la la) 


End file.
